Restaurant etiquette

[PaulB]

Los Zarzales

May 2009

Not strictly a restaurant review but an interesting aside:

We had just got back from Palma on the last bus quite late in the evening and did not even have time to get off the bus for a quick shower and change. Therefore, in retrospect we were probably a little bit too dishevelled looking for this fine looking establishment. We certainly got this impression after we got the snootiest of filthy looks from a Camilla Parker-Bowles look-alike on a nearby table. I swear I saw her mouth “My God” under her breath. You know the sort: Over-dressed, dried-up old prune that looks like she is all dolled up for a night at the opera with a half a gallon of slap on her face. Her dress was not so much a tent as a marquee, in a hideous bright turquoise colour with a tonne of (probably fake) pearls around her withered old neck. Gok Wan would have had a job there, I’m telling you. Thank goodness my wife saw the “Just about to launch a verbal volley” look on my face in time and managed to calm me down in time before I gave it back in spades. If there’s one thing that really gets my goat (and the rest of my menagerie), it’s snobbery.

We were certainly not what I would consider scruffy. My son and I were both wearing shorts (of a reasonably smart variety), and we had spent all day travelling to Soller and back from Palma and were naturally tired, hot and sweaty, but a quick visit to the boys’ room before we sat down ensured we looked at least reasonably acceptable. Actually, come to think of it I was brown (or deep red at the very least), had two day’s stubble and probably looked like a cross between Mickey Rourke (Circa Year of the Dragon / Angel Heart, and not the post-alcoholic plastic surgery years, I hasten to add) and the anti-hero from a Spaghetti Western (in shorts). Not too bad in a rough- and-ready way girls, honestly! My son looking very much a mini-version of a bronzed, blonde haired surfer dude (his Mum’s looks and his Dad’s brains – thank the Lord it ain’t the other way around!).

I dunno, maybe Camilla was just aghast at my wife’s very low cut top (it was a very hot day after all) and sun-browned breasts. The old Senor who chatted to us all the way from Palma back to PP didn’t seem to mind, though. I thought the old boy had nodded off on a few occasions as his head seemed to be edging nearer and nearer to them as if dragged by some unseen force.

It just goes to prove there are no greater snobs than certain members of the English middle-class (that’s what she was, although she would probably like to think otherwise. You can’t buy class, love, and you sure as hell ain’t got it). Personally, I just can’t get my head around that particular mindset. Strange how I can go anywhere (and I mean anywhere) in London and not feel at all uncomfortable or out of place, and I was really surprised to get that sort of reaction here. After all, whilst being an extremely nice (even genteel) place it’s not exactly an exclusive resort, where everyone dresses to the nines every night, is it? Granted, Los Zarzarles may be considered to be one of the more up-market venues, but as I said before we were dressed reasonably for a hot Mediterranean night, it was a relatively late hour and there were only a few others in the restaurant (none of whom even batted an eyelid). Anyway, Camilla and her pale husband (poor old sod) had finished and left before we ordered our mains, no doubt hurrying home to write a very strongly-worded letter to the Daily Mail or its Mallorcan equivalent. She probably uses the story as an ice-breaker at tedious dinner parties somewhere in deepest middle-England, where she and her phoney friends still rue the passing of the Generalissimo.

This has actually been niggling away in the back of my mind for a year, and I am finally getting it off of my chest. (Apologies for the mixed metaphor).We didn’t let it spoil our evening at the time and were we served subsequently by a delightful young woman who was effortless charm personified. From reading the restaurant reviews I assume that this was the much and justifiably vaunted Yolanda. I actually experienced the best single dish of the entire stay, but that’s a story for another time.

It would be interesting to hear of any other incidents like this one (from any perspective, and in this restaurant or any others). I’m certainly no class-warrior (first-class worrier, more like) and don’t have any particular chips (or indeed, potatas bravas) on either of my shoulders, but things like this really get my back up. Rant over. My God, I’ve just seen how much I’ve typed – sorry!

I was thinking for this year maybe a nice linen jacket, smart jeans, clean (strategically unbuttoned) white shirt to compliment my tan – what do you think?

Also, can anyone tell me why they always look like Parker-Bowles?!



P.s. – My sincere apologies for offending anyone else who may bear more than a passing resemblance to Camilla (or “Horses-a***” as she is sometimes called).

[susiejb]

Hi Paulb - thank you for that brilliant write up.....its a dreary rainy day here in Newquay and you have just really made me smile.

[sws97sdg]

Yes Paul very amusing, have to agree with a lot of what you said, btw I think I saw them there in August when I went to the port as well.

[Gommar Goffer]

I see you've encountered the mother-in-law Paul

(only joking - just in case she gets to read this )

[Rab]

[QUOTE=PaulB;43833]

It just goes to prove there are no greater snobs than certain members of the English middle-class (that’s what she was, although she would probably like to think otherwise. You can’t buy class, love, and you sure as hell ain’t got it). Personally, I just can’t get my head around that particular mindset. Strange how I can go anywhere (and I mean anywhere) in London and not feel at all uncomfortable or out of place, and I was really surprised to get that sort of reaction here. After all, whilst being an extremely nice (even genteel) place it’s not exactly an exclusive resort, where everyone dresses to the nines every night, is it? Granted, Los Zarzarles may be considered to be one of the more up-market venues, but as I said before we were dressed reasonably for a hot Mediterranean night, it was a relatively late hour and there were only a few others in the restaurant (none of whom even batted an eyelid). Anyway, Camilla and her pale husband (poor old sod) had finished and left before we ordered our mains, no doubt hurrying home to write a very strongly-worded letter to the Daily Mail or its Mallorcan equivalent. She probably uses the story as an ice-breaker at tedious dinner parties somewhere in deepest middle-England, where she and her phoney friends still rue the passing of the Generalissimo.

QUOTE]

Fantastic post Paul. You will get no truck from me on the above.

[Chelseadons]

Hi Paul

I have to say my reaction is somewhat different to the others !!

Ever heard the expression Live and Let live , it takes all sorts to make the world spin round whether your in London or PP.

I can't help visualising this poor lady( she'll be some kids grandmother by the way! ) reading this vitriol and wondering what on earth she had done to warrant such unpleasant abuse. You think she mouthed 'My God', more likely because of the size of the Los Zarzalles portions or quality of the food rather than what just strode into the restaurant. If your allowed to be under dressed surely she's allowed to be over dressed(whatever the hell that means!!) Most people do make an effort when going out for an evening although recognise the beauty of PP is that there is no dress code. I always wear shorts in the summer whether its Los Zarzales or anywhere else and I've never seen anybody else in the least bit perturbed. In fact I'd have been more likely to strike up a conversation with this lady to hear her tales of why she came to PP or Los Zarzales. As a member of the great British Middle class I'm sure she would have been highly entertaining as I'm sure she is at her dinner parties at home !!!

One thing that gets my goat is inverted snobbery and enormous great chips on shoulders !! For a man that deems not to be a class warrior or doesn't suffer from the odd crinkle cut weighing them down you certainly address what you call certain members of the middle class with more venom than a bucket load of Arthur Scargill trained rattle snakes !!!!!

As I say Live and Let live, I guess you just need a holiday in PP to get the angst out of your system. I'd leave your next visit to LoS Z until the end of the hol though !!!!

With Love


Chelseadons

[PaulB]

Or you could just have a laugh and take it how it is intended, Chelseadons. Others have seen the obvious intended humour behind the post.

That's exactly the point of the post, "Live and let live". I certainly did not mis-read the situation, either.

By the way, I am what may be termed a middle-class, white collar worker myself.

Love and kisses back to you. No angst here, just sweetness and light.

"Arthur Scargill trained rattlesnakes" - nice phrase.

X

PaulB

[Chelseadons]

Hi Paul

Hi Paul

Thought I must have been having a bad day so went and reread it again !! Unfortunately I still don't see the humour but I guess we'll just have to agree to differ !! One thing we can agree on is Los Zarzales remains top of the restaurant pile.(This just about keeps us on thread !!).

Chelseadons x

[Sparky]

Oh dear guys!!, and some of you wonder why we have to moderate this forum.
Once again i will say what i have said many, many times if only you could all voice your opinions without it degenerating into a slanging match. I personally like to dress up a bit when i go out for dinner but as Chelseadons said "each to their own", there really is no right or wrong here. BUT if you can't respect other members or the forum or your fellow man/woman then i suggest you find somewhere else to vent your feelings because we will NOT tolerate abuse of any kind on this site.
Anyone who knows me is aware that i am a very easy going person but i will use my power to close threads or even ban people if i have to.
PLEASE show some respect, you won't like me when i am angry .

[BonysLad]

Paul,

Interesting post .

Let those without sin cast the first stone, mate.

You sound positively ghastly , just like me goodself !!!! Disapproving diners go with the territory ( well, often in my case when I've got Snowy in tow !!!!).

Did you eat the peas off your knife ?, scratch your a*** or pick your nose throughout the meal ???

Had the most frightful bore in Yolanda's a couple of winters ago. Not only did he complain so vociferously about their main course that the dear girl refused to accept any money for it but he went on to bore the whole restaurant that he was the finest slip fielder Lancashire had ever produced ( he was well in his seventies ). Not content just to bore the pants off the fellow diners he then embarked on a practical demonstration by diving to his right and then his left between the tables.

I larfed so much could hardly hold onto our table . A few plates got broken and eventually Yolanda in her extremely nice way suggested it was time for his bed !!!! ( Actually she called the ambulance cos he b******d himself up ).

So treat these kind of experiences as life's rich pattern.

By the way the english middle classes don't do dinner parties anymore " Just suppa , dahling !!!! "

And secondly Camilla P-B is a lovely girl . If she'd have been there she would have been standing in the road with us smokers, dragging on a Capstan full strength , with a glass of whisky in her hand, swapping the filthiest of jokes .

She's gonna be a fine Queen to us oneday !!!!

Bonyslad

[Sparky]

Sorry Chelseadons, i took a while with my post (not a very fast one fingered typist) so missed your second one.

[PaulB]

Bony,

No, I didn't do those things throughout the meal, but I had the most delicious fish and seafood stew, and it really was one of those dishes where standard cutlery is next to useless. You just have to use what the good lord gave you to do it justice. By the end my face was covered in a rich fishy sauce and I had bits of fish and shell all over me designer stubble. As I said, she had departed by then, but I thought it would have been nice to have turned around and gave her a big grin whilst looking like The Creature from the Black Lagoon or something. I had to have a good wash or I would have been followed home by every cat in the immediate vicinity.

[Disorderly]

Well......at least he kept his shirt on.

[PaulB]

Guys,

To clear up any confusion or bad feeling:

Apologies if I offended anyones sensibilities, I just started and had a sort of a Frankie Boyle (Joan Rivers or Lenny Bruce, if you are of that generation) moment. I understand that not everyone appreciates such acid humour, hence the mixed reaction here. Let's clear a few things up: I actually love dressing for dinner (although as I wear a suit every day for work it is nice to "dress-down", particularly on holiday), although on this particular occasion this was impossible as I explained. It was not my intention to offend any particular person. The person is nameless and faceless (apart from the resemblance I pointed out). She was a sterotype most of us are familiar with, and can relate to and whilst the incident itself occured exactly as I told it, certain details may have been embelished by me in order to make the post more interesting and amusing (or not it would seem).
Of course, I can't really remember such minor details such if she had pearls on or not, to be honest with you I didn't really look that closely. However, in my mind (significantly blurred by the passing of a whole year) she has now become a caricature. Lesson learned, as they say!

[snowy2007]

NO COMMENT do not want to get banned or spanked by Sparky.

Bonyslad my time will come you just wait, how could you say that about me Super Moderator deal with this man please.